It's good to share...

I haven't written a post on here for a while so I got to thinking about what I could put together and came up with an idea. One of my friends is usually a source of much amusement, so I thought back over the last few comedic stories she has told me and decided to write them down so we could all benefit from her amusing anecdotes.

Let me write that down...

I'm keeping her name out of this, but for the purpose of this post, let's call her Maggie. No idea where that came from, but we'll go with it.

So, Maggie says to me that she had been away and had a tale to tell. She and her husband had gone away for the weekend to somewhere in the UK as a treat. The first evening they decided to pop out for a drink and ended up in a very 'local' pub in the town. It was the kind of place where everyone knew one another and seemed to be a bit wary of strangers.

Anyway, they decided to give it a go and went to the bar to order. Maggie asked the lady behind the bar for a dry white wine to which the response was:

"We just have wine".
Right then.
"Okay, I'll have wine please".
"Large or small?"
"Large please".

The large wine was then poured from a container that appeared from under the counter looking like one of those giant sized plastic money banks. It went straight in a half pint glass without a blink of an eye. Her husband had a gin and tonic which turned out to be a brand that she'd never heard of before, possibly the Happy Shopper own brand or similar. Incidentally, it tasted like diesel, but that's another story.

Yum, Gin.

Feeling a little out of sorts, they took a seat and had a look round the bar area. There was a table of gentlemen on the other side of the bar keeping themselves to themselves and all in all it was pretty quiet. Not long after they had sat down a man appeared in the pub carrying an inflatable sheep. The group of men asked him why he was at the pub so early, to which he replied "I got kicked out of the bingo for continuously shouting out bingo". The men nodded and seemed to accept that this was something that perhaps happened on a regular basis. Who the sheep was and what he was drinking though, we still have no idea.

Another story Maggie told me was about a hotel she and her husband once stayed it. It was pleasant enough, good value and seemed ok. Their room was on the top floor of the building which they thought would be fine as it was away from the lifts etc. How wrong can you be?

Upon waking in the morning, Maggie could hear lots of talking in the corridor outside their room. Thinking it was perhaps just the cleaners, she ignored it and got ready to go out. When leaving the room she walked out of the door to be met by a line of people all sitting on chairs in the corridor staring at her. What on earth was going on? She headed for the lift to go downstairs while all the random people watched her go.

Come here often?

Maggie says to her husband "I'm not sure I can stay in a room with people outside in the corridor like that". But the question was, who are they and why were they there? Maggie goes to reception and asks the question. It turns out that they are NHS patients waiting to have hearing tests. It seems that rather than considering how weird it would be for guests to find a welcoming party outside their rooms in the morning, the hotel had told the NHS they could use a room on the top floor of the hotel for their testing. Maggie took the hotel up on the offer of swapping rooms and left the very strange top floor for someone else.

So, what other stories can I share with you? Well, there was the time both me and Maggie went to the ladies toilets and she managed to drop her phone on the floor and it appeared under my cubical door, face up like the world's worst Snapchat effort. I mean, I've heard of poor chat up lines, but slipping your phone under a cubical door? Come on. Luckily we were the only two people in there and a good job too as Maggie was literally crying with laughter.

Nokia. Unbreakable.

My partner is also quite amusing most of the time. Usually it's around music as he doesn't really take much notice of bands etc as it's not of interest to him. Not long ago I was in the kitchen doing the washing up and as per usual I had the CD player on and was singing along nicely to The Band. He pokes his head round the door and the conversation went like this:

"Who's that you're listening to?"
"The Band".
"Yes, but who are they?"
"The Band".
"Yes, the band, who are they?"
"The Band".
"But what are they called?"
"The Band".

This goes on for about 10 minutes until I wave the CD case at him and explain that the band I am listening to are actually called The Band. His response. "What a rubbish name for a band".

Yes, they were a band called The Band.

Another friend of mine was telling a story once which began with the words "You know when you're trying out accents on the bus?". Not something that I usually do, but I had a feeling this might lead somewhere interesting so I said "Yeah, of course. Go on". The story was this. He was on the bus and decided he would test out being South African by talking to someone in that accent. As you do. So, when a lady sat down next to him he struck up a conversation and put on his best accent to see if she fell for it. It didn't quite go according to plan though. You see, when the lady replied to him it turned out she actually was South African. By now he couldn't say it was a joke as she would more than likely be offended, so he carried on trying to keep up the pretence even saying that he came from 'Joburg' to try and sound like a local. Did she fall for it? Not sure, but his rapid exit from the bus set a new land speed record...

I can also remember the time when someone who shall remain nameless told me about walking into a glass patio door. It was closed and she didn't realise until it was too late. Luckily she wasn't hurt, but what made it amusing was she continued the story with "yes, well, when I did if before"...

And this is why I find other peoples stories so amusing. The fact that Maggie nearly got into a fight on a bus after a Phil Collins concert is just one of the many other stories that I'll share with you in the future. Stay tuned.